It isn't fair

I need to slowly quit being bulimic. I know i have a talent for singing and if it's true that it damages your vocal chords then I can't just throw that all the way. I have been in denile and thought "oh this is perfect I can binge than throw it up as long as no one is home" But my throat is starting to hurt.

I am lazy and stupid. I need more self control. It was so easy before. I just need to be busy. Become the girl I know is inside of me. I was whining to myself in the kitchen, feeling that need for food. Maybe it's hormones. Luckily I worked out today so I am completely sure that I burned more than I consumed. I am so young i'm only 17 and can't have an strained voice yet.

I am chewing gum right now I keep chewing really loudly, I am so unstable right now.

Fasting this week (much easier when i'm at school)

I just wish I would stop having dreams about food.....yeah pathetic....

feeling pretty hopeless right now :(

wonder how much i'll lose by friday...